So Close...

...yet still so far away.

I'm almost done with all of my business school applications. As of 5 minutes ago, I had submitted applications for Stanford and University of Chicago. I'm not sure why I really applied to either one of those schools. I feel like I have a 1 in a million chance of getting into either of those schools, but oh well, the fees have been paid and applications are on the way through the virtual network. My credit card and bank account are hurting a bit, but I guess that thos unemployment checks should slowly be surfacing soon. Plus, I still have my severance check coming.

Now I just have one more essay left for my Kellogg application. Then it's all over. Well, kinda. Now I have to fill out FAFSA forms and convince the government to give me lots of aid, since I'm unemployed.

But all in all, this process has definitely helped me grow a lot. I've done a lot of self-reflection and really pushed myself to expose my desires, interests, and hopes. Thankfully, UCLA wants all of that as part of their next MBA class.

Let's hope that more is in store for 2006! Happy New Year's Eve Eve everyone!

It's Not All About Me

Sometimes, I can be such a bonehead. Tonight, I was super selfish and actually got mad at someone for not helping me review my application essays. It wasn't that he didn't want to help me, but rather, he's been really busy with family things for the holidays. Yet, I seemed to have somehow forgotten about everyone else in the world and focused solely on myself. I got mad at him and mad him feel really guilty about it. But in reality, he's already helped me so much throughout this entire process -- from reviewing essays to just being there to assure me that everything will work out. I can't even begin to express how thankful I am for all of his help. Lord knows that I would have no acceptances at this point without him, because I would have broken down long ago and been unable to complete any of my applications.

So I want to tell him that I'm really sorry. Really, really sorry. I hope that he can forgive me, and I hope that I can learn to be more appreciative of what I have.

The Queen of Procrastination

I'm supposed to be cranking out the remainder of my applications, but instead, I've decided to do the following things:

1. Go Xmas shopping at the mall (where I wanted to buy hundreds of sweaters for myself, but then realized that this might be the last winter that I'll need them)

2. Take an hour nap on the couch

3. Read the entire November issue of Food & Wine magazine (I know, I know. It's December, but I apparently like to live a month behind the real world.)

4. Check my email 6000 times without really getting any.

5. Read the message board for the old company's stock (No surprise. Still pretty much tanking.)

And now, I'm finally getting back to the essays. But I did decide to break into the case of Nantucket NectarFizz that Law McGraw bought for me. Seriously, for those of you who have not tried it, I honestly think it's better than ambrosia, nectar of the gods. A certain someone might challenge that and say that Snapple is the nectar of the gods, but I just think she's wrong. :)

Early Christmas Present

UCLA surprised me with an excellent gift today. I've been accepted to the Class of 2008!!!!

It's not exactly my first choice, but I'm still pretty darned excited! They have a wonderful program there and are ranked 11th in the nation, so I know that I'll be getting a pretty great education. Plus, it'll be that much easier for me to find a job in San Francisco after graduation. I was also nominated for a fellowship, so hopefully, that will help defray some of the costs. But I think one of the greatest parts is the fact that I'll at least be in the same state as Law McGraw next year and will be flip-flopping it across campus in December. So even if I don't get into any other school, I'm very happy with what I have!

It's going to be a fabulous Christmas!!! Happy Holidays, everyone!

"You Did Well"

But did I really?

I had my Kellogg interview tonight with an alum. I thought that it was going to be fairly easy since everyone told me that alum interviews are way easier than admissions officers interviews. Besides, the guy interviewing me had been friends with my brother in high school. Slam dunk.

Uhhh...not so much. There were a ton of tough questions, and everytime I would start in on a story, he kept saying, "Ok, I don't need to know those details." It seemed like he consistently cut me off and kept expecting me to wow him, but my stories just didn't. Well, at least not all of my stories. He seemed impressed with a couple of things, but not really all of it.

He did end the interview with "You did well", but I don't know how to interpret that. Was he just trying to humor me? Or did I really do well? Because I for sure didn't feel like I did well. Law McGraw thinks that there's no reason that the guy needed to humor me so I must have done well. But I'm not so sure. Maybe he just felt bad for me. Regardless, I guess it's over now. Now it's back to finishing all my essays.

I'm starting to wonder if after all this effort, this is really what I want. Law McGraw thinks I'm being too hard on myself, but I'm starting to wonder what my plan B is going to be if I don't get into any schools.

Blessings in Disguise

With all the chaos that my life has encountered in the past several months, I had the chance to take a break and relax in California for the past week. My main goal of the trip was to interview at UCLA, but when I was laid off, I extended my stay. (I guess that's one of the benefits of not having any responsibilities.) Anyway, the week in sunny California definitely put a lot of things in perspective.

First, the whole being-kicked-out-of-my-apartment by my roommate was actually a blessing in disguise. If that hadn't happened, I'd still be paying all that rent for a crappy apartment with no insulation. That definitely would have put a dent in my savings. In addition, I would still have to live with someone that I don't like. Fortunately, things happened the way that they did and this lay off won't be as hard for me as it could have been.

Second, I realized that I needed this break in my life. For the past 3.5 years, I've been working non-stop. Sure, I've had the occasional long weekend and whatnot, but no real vacation. And I'm tired. After putting in those long hours and 24/7 support to the service guys, I needed a break. Not just from the long hours, but a break from engineering. I'm not cut out to be an engineer and I just don't have the passion for it. This break has allowed me to really reflect on what I want to do with the rest of my career. For a while, I was focused on promotions and raises without really enjoying what I was doing, but I've realized that that's not what I want anymore. I want to really enjoy what I'm doing. Even if it doesn't come with a 6-figure salary. I still want my MBA, but if for some reason that doesn't work out, I really want to get into graphic design and advertising. For a long time, I thought that I could use engineering as a creative outlet, but I was wrong. The creativity involved in engineering is not quite the same as creating a cute little monkey to sell cereal.

Third, my trip to California has made me realize that Chicagoans must be masochists. While it was about 6 degrees here at home, Los Angeles averaged close to the 70s everyday. In fact all of the Bruins were flip-flopping it across campus in T-shirts and jeans. Hopefully, this will be my last winter of snow and frostbite.

Last, despite all the chaotic events of my life as of late, I'm happy. I've been shown all the true joys of life through my family, my friends, and Law McGraw. Law McGraw's parents (the McGraws, if you will) were uber-nice to me all week and very supportive of my endeavors. I'm so thankful to have them in this web of support that surrounds me.

There are so many things I'm looking forward to that I don't have time to look back at the unfortunate events that have happened. And even when I do have time to reflect on them, I realize that so many people have it way worse that I do. I'm looking forward to all the other blessings that are in store for me in 2006!

Unemployment - Day 1

So for the first time in about 3.5 years, I woke up this morning not really knowing what to do. First of all, my body seems to be programmed to wake up at 7am. But for the first time in a long time, I was able to actually just roll back over and sleep some more. That's usually what I do on the weekends, but I've never experienced that on a weekday that wasn't a holiday.

But all in all, I seemed to have survived Day 1 of unemployment. It was actually a fairly filled day. I went an opened an IRA account to roll over my 401K. My dad, which I must add, is actually very excited about the idea of me not going to work. He's decided that this is the time for him to give me a tutorial into the world of day-trading. According to him, all people that want MBAs must love stocks. I just think that it's the Asian blood of gambling coursing through his veins. Regardless, I've learned where to find my mutual funds in the newspaper and what all the little symbols and abbreviations stand for. Albeit, I need a magnifying glass to read it. So I've become slightly versed in stock trading and may actually use that to supplement my severance package and unemployment checks.

As for signing up for unemployment benefits today, that was an adventure in itself. First off, I'm happy that I did it. Since I'm probably never ever going to see Social Security payments, this may be the only way that I'll ever get back some of the money that I've been paying to the government. Of course, the $336/week checks are really nothing to hoot and holler about. I did learn today that some company is royally screwing up and has misentered some guys Social Security number into the system. Somehow, all of his earning are also being entered under my number. This caused me to have to wait for over 45 minutes in the Social Security office to get a printout verifying that XXX-XX-XXXX actually belongs to me. Apparently, the little blue Social Security card does not fulfill that purpose. Everything ended up being resolved in the end, so there's a happy ending.

Plus, I have a potential lead for a new job, so that seems promising. Otherwise, there are a lot of jobs that I'm highly interested in on monster.com. Now comes the hard part of learning how to write cover letters again. Of course, this will take a backseat to my essays, which are slowly coming along.

I wonder what I'll do tomorrow...

...And It's All Over

I don't really know why I'm publicizing this information, but I will anyway. I was laid off this morning from my job, in addition to about 40% of the company. In the back of my mind, I knew that this was coming. We've been enduring financial difficulties for the past year, and it's just become a dire situation. Our stock is about $0.70 and there doesn't seem to be any funds coming in from anywhere. What I don't understand is why every single Sr. Vice President and Manager was retained. Who's going to do all the work? I guess that I don't really care anymore. For now, I need to focus on finishing up the rest of my applications and have faith that I'll get accepted somewhere. As for my old employer, I really hope that you crash and burn. That's what you deserve for laying off over 100 people in less than 4 years. And for my old CEO, I applaud you for your cowardness. Not only are you a coward but you've also managed to fool the entire board of directors into believing that you're actually doing some kind of work. Kudos to you for the lack of accomplishments you've had in the past 4 years.

Why Does the Eagle Hate Me?

Seriously, that soaring eagle mascot of the US Postal Service hates me. Or maybe it's just the postal service in general. In the past three months that I've been applying to business school, I've had numerous pieces of mail lost. First, it was 4 transcripts. Now, how a big envelope containing 4 transcripts gets lost between Evanston and Northbrook is a mystery to me. The two towns practically touch each other. Then, my GMAT scores got lost from New Jersey to Los Angeles. This is a bit more feasible seeing as they are on opposite coasts, but seriously, how can mail just get lost? It's been over 3 months and UCLA has yet to receive my scores. I'll bet that somewhere in Idaho, someone is reveling in the fact that Jody scored in the 99th percentile on the GMAT. Now, if that Idahoan happens to be reading this, please reseal that envelope and forward it to UCLA. My future may depend on it.

What boggles my mind even more is the fact that you have to take a test to be a postal worker. My dad's friend's son decided to become a postal worker (why I'm not exactly sure), and told my dad about this very lengthy test that he had to take. He was shown 20 addresses and had a couple of minutes to memorize them. From that, he had to write down every single address again. That's insane!!! Now, if our postal workers can pass tests like that, can't they manage to deliver my mail?